Doctoral + Motherhood? Yes I Can!
The reason for my recent "disappearance" again on the blog sphere is because I was busy with my doctoral proposal defense that happened on the 4th of August and guess what? I PASSED! Yeayyyyyy.. I just need to submit my amendments within 1 month and i'm good to conduct my research.
Being a working mother of 1, a wife AND a student all at the same time is tiring! only God knows how overwhelmed i am feeling sometimes. But to be honest, being a mother while doing my doctoral degree is a blessing in disguise. Without my baby, I don't think I will be motivated enough to defend my proposal in the first place. I am so motivated to finish what i've started 4 years ago -- I was single and bored that's why I signed up for this haha.
Last year, I remember my supervisor coming from Shah Alam to KK for a meet up. I was already 2 months pregnant that time. Then she told me about one of her student who just got married and she advised her not to have a baby yet or else she wont be able to finish up her studies. I did not tell her I was pregnant because I feared of what she would say or how her face would look like --- the sign of disapproval. So i just kept quiet and did not contact her for 1 whole year. I actually avoided her calls and messages. It's a miracle she didn't drop me as her student.
I wish I could say I'm able to divide my time equally between work, study and mommy-hood. At times everything just happens at the same time and at other times one takes up the whole of my attention. Take for example, my proposal defense last week. I had to focus because I was so determined to pass it. But at the same time there's office work related deadline looming around but all I can think of is the presentation that I need to finish doing. It is a messy affair but isn't all of life? and it goes on and on...
I must thank my husband who takes over caring of our 8 month old baby when there is a paper deadline at the corner. But just like any other clingy baby, my baby doesn't want her daddy. She wants me instead. But I just had to keep doing my proposal and slides presentation if not it won't be ready on time. As a first time mother, at first it wasn't easy (it still isn't!) to leave my baby crying and not attending to her when she wants me instead of her daddy. It's not easy letting go my motherly duties and handing them over to another, even if the other person is your other half. Added to this I feared it was an admission of my adequacy as a mother. I may not be the perfect mother but I am the mother who I know how to be. I am still trying, finding balance, and want only the best for my little one.
|Defense of research proposal|
|With the panel of experts|
|and it's a wrap for defense of research proposal in UiTM KK|
If you asked me, would I sign up doing DBA (Doctor of Business Administration) 4 years ago if I know it would be this "messy"?
In a heart beat.