Battles To Conquer

I just had a heated argument with my mom just now about exercising when you're menstruating. I told her it's perfectly okay but she went on and on and on about giving myself a break because i'm having my period and everything. I even lied to her saying my period is ending already but the truth is, it's still kind of heavy, the flow.

Ok, so why am i ranting about this? on a weekend? heck, i don't even blog that often on weekends!

Well, it all started when me and my family went to our relative's house for raya this afternoon and while i was eating lemangs with the sambal kacang, that jerk told me how much i gained. If anyone should know if i've gained or not it should be me. It's my body i know better. He kept going on and on and on about me and my weight infront of everyone. So imagine how embarrassed i was there with my plate full of lemangs and sambal kacang. Lastly i said "It's ok, as long as i'm happy" and walked away.

The truth is, I AM NOT HAPPY! not an inch! So that's why i felt the need to exercise tonight. I even canceled karaoke because i was feeling down about myself because of the weight gain. On the weighing scale, my weight have reached the number 6X. All my life, i have been in the 5X and even that time i felt overweight and now all i want is to be in there again. It's such a nightmare being in the 6X zone.

I should be losing weight easily to tell you the truth because i know this road. I have been here many times. All my life, the same struggle. I don't want to sound depressed in this blog, i know you don't want to read about it and i'll try not to be depressed. I'll take this as a challenge in improving myself.

I have been eating junk alot and that's the first thing to go. No more junk in my system. I even thought of drinking Herbalife again but i know it can't help me in the long run. Plus, it's expensive. It's now RM300++ a set? i remember it was only RM200++ a year ago. Of course it could make wonders to my body in a short time if i religiously drink it but do i really want that? i mean, i want to have a normal life not based on liquid every night and day. Remember, i was on Herbalife a year ago and it was a nice ride but it didn't last me that long because i was off it and maybe i didn't have much discipline back then that's why the weight gain happened. This time around, i think what i need is a permanent life change in my eating habit. I've been eating too much of oily stuff, biscuits, keropok.. you name it, i've gobbled them up. I believe that if you want to look good, you must first feel good about yourself and in my case, if i want to feel good about myself i need some lifestyle change. I need to alter my eating habits first. About exercising, that is no problem because i exercise 3-4 times a week sometimes 5 times if i'm really pumped up. So yeah, i guess that's the problem of why i can't seem to lose weight. The weighing machine keeps going up and up and up never down.

Let's see how this progress. I'm giving myself a month and this change of life style is starting effectively tomorrow, 12th October 2010. But don't expect me to lose 10kg because i'm taking it slowly i don't want to put my body to shock because like i said, it's going to be a permanent thing :)

Happy good feeling... here i come!


Donna said…
ma dear...don't stress yourself too much of losing weight...look at me i'm still comfortable with my body even though lots of jerks out there always telling me being fat and long as we're happy and still "healthy"

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