Battles To Conquer

I just had a heated argument with my mom just now about exercising when you're menstruating. I told her it's perfectly okay but she went on and on and on about giving myself a break because i'm having my period and everything. I even lied to her saying my period is ending already but the truth is, it's still kind of heavy, the flow.

Ok, so why am i ranting about this? on a weekend? heck, i don't even blog that often on weekends!

Well, it all started when me and my family went to our relative's house for raya this afternoon and while i was eating lemangs with the sambal kacang, that jerk told me how much i gained. If anyone should know if i've gained or not it should be me. It's my body i know better. He kept going on and on and on about me and my weight infront of everyone. So imagine how embarrassed i was there with my plate full of lemangs and sambal kacang. Lastly i said "It's ok, as long as i'm happy" and walked away.

The truth is, I AM NOT HAPPY! not an inch! So that's why i felt the need to exercise tonight. I even canceled karaoke because i was feeling down about myself because of the weight gain. On the weighing scale, my weight have reached the number 6X. All my life, i have been in the 5X and even that time i felt overweight and now all i want is to be in there again. It's such a nightmare being in the 6X zone.

I should be losing weight easily to tell you the truth because i know this road. I have been here many times. All my life, the same struggle. I don't want to sound depressed in this blog, i know you don't want to read about it and i'll try not to be depressed. I'll take this as a challenge in improving myself.

I have been eating junk alot and that's the first thing to go. No more junk in my system. I even thought of drinking Herbalife again but i know it can't help me in the long run. Plus, it's expensive. It's now RM300++ a set? i remember it was only RM200++ a year ago. Of course it could make wonders to my body in a short time if i religiously drink it but do i really want that? i mean, i want to have a normal life not based on liquid every night and day. Remember, i was on Herbalife a year ago and it was a nice ride but it didn't last me that long because i was off it and maybe i didn't have much discipline back then that's why the weight gain happened. This time around, i think what i need is a permanent life change in my eating habit. I've been eating too much of oily stuff, biscuits, keropok.. you name it, i've gobbled them up. I believe that if you want to look good, you must first feel good about yourself and in my case, if i want to feel good about myself i need some lifestyle change. I need to alter my eating habits first. About exercising, that is no problem because i exercise 3-4 times a week sometimes 5 times if i'm really pumped up. So yeah, i guess that's the problem of why i can't seem to lose weight. The weighing machine keeps going up and up and up never down.

Let's see how this progress. I'm giving myself a month and this change of life style is starting effectively tomorrow, 12th October 2010. But don't expect me to lose 10kg because i'm taking it slowly i don't want to put my body to shock because like i said, it's going to be a permanent thing :)

Happy good feeling... here i come!