Sunday, January 3, 2010

What About Me?

On the way back from my cousin's engagement party just now, the question "why cant that happen to me" keeps on asking in my head. I come to realize that im always the girl who "could've-been-the-one" in a relationship. Im always the 2nd choice and never the 1st - it makes me feel like im never good enough and sometimes i believe i am not good enough for anyone or even myself. Dont get me wrong, i wish all the guys who picked the other girl instead of me all the happiness in the world since some of them have gotten married with kids now. We all still remain good friends and when i see them i cant help to think that that couldve been me.

It's easy for people to say "dont worry your time will come.. just be patient" I mean it's easy to say for them because it isnt them who is going through the heartaches over and over again. It's sickening, plus it has lowered my self-esteem over time and it caused me to be depressed. The hardest thing to do is trying to act like everything is just dandy when deep inside you're going through all of this.

To get myself a boyfriend is easy (ive been through 2 relationships that was totally discreet in 2009 - both ended by me. read the previous post for this) but what i need i someone who is actually "boyfriend material" *sigh* i wont raise my hopes high on this for i know those type of guys, the "boyfriend material" type of guys are coming to extinct. or if not, already extinct. So yea.

I dont know if God intentionally put me through this to teach me a lesson or to test my faith or because He has a bigger plan for me and this is only to prepare me for it. I seriously dont know. It may be neither the above reasons.

Excuse me on my emo-ness in this post but what about me?

When i started this blog, it was intended to be a personal blog. So is this personal enough or what?

Reading back on what i wrote, i sound like a wounded puppy. :-/




♥ P.

2 comments:

Eudora said...

I dun blame you for feeling that way. It's not easy going through heartaches. We are only human.

Hope this will make you feel a lil better if not that much....
*sends some love & bear hugs to you*

Take care! :)

Pammie Pajammie said...

Thanks Eudora. It did made me feel a lil better :) love & bear hugs back at ya!